Poems & Essays

13 Aug

Not Lost

General/Column 2 Responses

In response to “On Children” by Khalil Gibral

I’m afraid
that becoming a mom has made me a boring poet.

Because all I ever write about is you.
It’s true.
All my observations realizations about the world are rooted in you.

I have found that once you become a mom, all other things are gone.

I’ve found that days are simultaneously short and long.

I have found that a grown-up can only see grown-up TV
on mute with the subtitles on.

I have found that even with subtitles I still get lost
and that it doesn’t matter anyway.

I have found that babies are fragile and fearless and we need more of both in the world.

And so I look to you.

I was so afraid of you.

Stopping to feel you
resting
hands on big belly
full of doubt.

Ultrasound silence so long
worrying if your heart beat right
watching to find the beeping light
steady and strong.

Wondering what your eyes would do when you laughed
Imagining if you’d look like me from the past.

Too many questions
Too much maybe
Too much future to get stuck in
To be afraid of

Tomorrow today will be yesterday
No matter what I say
And back then
Back when you were not quite you
I wanted to say STOP
But I found myself in this strange space
between
Stuck and spinning
Lost in the centrifugal force of forever
Passing now

Inside me
searching through darkness
with tiny hands
you were not afraid.
you were not lost.

You were found.

And I find you amazing.

So maybe I have become a boring poet
But every time I write about you I learn things
And every line helps me make sense of what’s happening around me.

Sort of like
subtitles
Yes you are just like subtitles.
You explain everything.

 

Cady Burkhart is teacher, mother, and sister living on the outskirts of Los Angeles. She thinks that ‘outskirts’ is a very cool word. Her life has been lived mostly on the outskirts: as a queer woman, single mom by choice, identical twin, and disillusioned daughter. She is happy that every day brings a new beginning.

 

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2 Comments

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  1. Julie Sylver

    August 16, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    My goodness. I have tears in my eyes. This is beautiful.

    Reply
  2. Liz

    August 28, 2018 at 3:09 am

    Lovely!

    Reply

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